Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
