So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
