I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
