ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
