2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
