you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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