We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
