I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
