Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
