My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
