Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
