i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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