friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
