see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
