I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
