If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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