I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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