Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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