Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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