She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need water and some morals
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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