I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
