Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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