You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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