Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
