i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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