Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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