You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
