how can u be prego again
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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