dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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