i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
