Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
