You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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