i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
