made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
how does that bad decision feel?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
