there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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