You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
