Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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