So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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