i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
