So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
