you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
