You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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