I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
where are my eyebrows?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
