I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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