My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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