I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
