capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
