I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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