you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
