Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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