Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She told me I should be a condom model.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
