After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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