ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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