had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
