dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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