you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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