drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
