I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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