Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
