Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
