I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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