He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
