the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need to stop coming to work sober
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
