i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
