when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
