I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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