If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
