Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
