she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
