My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
