You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is Oprah even human
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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