Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
